self love and mathematics at dsum2. squared? how do you square dimsum?

There is something to be said about returning to a restaurant after repeatedly bad service. Not bad like ick, but bad like they-once-basically-accused-me-of-lying kind of bad.  And I don’t know, maybe this is a question about my pride, my self worth, my self love, but do you think that despite public humiliation, returning to the same restaurant time and time again just because they serve good great food is a little  lame? Or maybe it just means (in case you hadn’t realised it by now) that I really, really love my food.

Apparently more than I love myself.

The service just ain’t adding up.

The service at dSum² has always been a little questionable. Right from the get-go, I had misplaced orders and day-dreamy staff who took my tea pot for a refill and never brought it back. Just little things. Little things, like my most recent visit, where I had made a reservation in my own name.

“Hi, I have a reservation for two, under Catherine, 12.30pm,” I announced as I arrived and breathed in the dimsummy goodness.

“Oh, Adelle?” says the clueless waitress, who, I don’t really blame her cluelessness. She works at dSum² afterall.

“Um, no. Catherine, I booked yesterday.” I throw a cautionary glance at the reservations book and immediately see my name. Two rows below my name is Adelle.

“Are you Adelle?” Huh?

“Catherine. My booking’s right there.” I stab my finger at the book.  A little too harshly. She looks at me, a little taken aback, like I’m going to hurt her. I think her brain would do a fine job of hurting her the way it’s going.

“Oh,” she says. But by the way she’s looking at the book, I know the penny hadn’t dropped. Did I say I didn’t blame her for her cluenessless? Can I retract that comment? Because now, she’s just stupid. And we all know there ain’t no cure for stupid.

I point again. “Me, this is me.”

“OH!” The penny drops! Hallelujah!

And you see, these are just the little things. Don’t get me started on the big things. Ok ok, I know you want to get me started. And so do I, so thanks!

I ordered five dishes and I get four. Their math really sucks.

I even remember when this was, because it was last October and a friend had just touched down from Australia and I wanted to take her to this fantastically-yummy-funkified-non-plate-throwing dimsum restaurant. I was all gushing about how awesomeness the food would be. I knew the service was in need of a little Customer Service 101, but I didn’t mention it, thinking maybe, just maybe we’d fluke a good service day today.

Oh how painfully wrong I was.

We ordered a number of dishes, including xiao long bao, because come on, who doesn’t like the soupy goodness of a well made xiao long bao? Every other dish had come out, and so I hailed a waiter (stupid, mean waiter, though I didn’t know this at the time) and advised we were still waiting for the xiao long bao.

He looked at me a little bit like oh you poor thing you’re confused! how cute! and said, “No, I brought it out to you just now.”

“Um, no,” I said, definitely not confused. Or cute. “We haven’t had it yet.”

“No, ” he countered (like what, does he really want to fight? With me? Over xiao long bao?), “I brought it out myself, I put it here.”

“No you haven’t,” Do not try and keep my xiao long bao from me. “We would have remembered if you’d brought it out, we’ve just started eating!” I’m pointing at our other dishes, which are all still mostly untouched. Again with the pointing. I do this when I’m aggravated.

“Miss,” Ooo Miss, I think I’m in trouble, “I remember bringing the xiao long bao out myself.”

“Well maybe, you brought it out and gave it to the wrong table. What, do you think I’m trying to rip you off £3?!”

He looked at me like, yeh maybe I do. Fuck wit! “I’m going to have to speak to my manager.” Ooo the Manager. I’m in so much trouble.

Anyhoos, a few nervous nibbles at the dimsum we did receive and the manager comes out, apologises for causing any inconvenience (notably not actually saying I was right, the fuck wit did not bring us our dish) and orders us another serve of xiao long bao.   I’d almost resigned to this being my very last visit to dSum² but then I bit into the egg tarts and oh my, commotion? What commotion? The food is so good.

But the food, the food is ten to the power of infinity delicious.

The food at dSum² is so heavenly I truly wish I hadn’t found this place. I just so don’t want to contribute to the salaries of the pin-headed moronic staff, but what can I do when the deliciousness continues to lure me in? They do great dimsum, but better than that, their other dishes are superb. Try the Wasabi King Prawns (which is almost on par with Kai Mayfair), Soft Shelled Crab with Red Chilli and Curry Leaf, or Salt and Chilli Silken Tofu.

At around £20 a head, including drinks, the bill does add up to a reasonable, purse fitting figure, and really, just ignore the retardness (because, quite often I’m also a retard) and enjoy the meal.

I’ve been back more times than I can count. I love myself. But is it so bad to love my belly more?

Note: I know lots of other people who’ve been to dSum² and not been subjected to numbskull service. It’s just me. Me and maths, we don’t mix, even when it’s just in the shop name.

DSum²
14 Paternoster Row
London EC4M 7EJ
0207 248 2288
website

21-Aug: Seems dSum²’s service has finally lead to its demise. Walked past today and the place is now closed. Temporarily or permanently? Not sure. Stay tuned.