I think New Years for some brings a sense of joy and relief, a feeling that another year has passed successfully, or perhaps just by its whisker, but either way, another year has passed.

Me? I laid awake with raging insomnia on Monday night, playing and replaying my 2009 over and over and over again in my schizophrenic little head. I started to hyperventilate, my shortness of breath accentuated by Panu’s insanely slow and steady breaths. How can he sleep so still? Honestly, sometimes in the middle of the night, I poke him til he grunts because otherwise I wouldn’t know if he was actually alive.

But me, insomnia with its hideous tendrils, creeping into my heart and pumping up my resting heart rate so that there is no rest in me. Clawing at my head, filling it with thoughts of utter uselessness, of under achievement, of crap that I can do nothing about right now. And not even tomorrow, because the year has already passed, and there is nothing I have to show for it.

I got up and paced around the living room, because… I don’t really know why. To tire myself out? But all it does is compound my anxiety, I feel like I’m going insane, I feel rabid, insecure, senseless, idiotic, completely derailed.

I feel like an egg, my shiny exterior a decoy for my fragile shell and the utter… mush… that lays within. Like a mere pin prick could send a hairline fracture along my fascade and that’s it, I’ll fall apart and be nothing but a gooey mess on the kitchen floor. Or on the bench. Or maybe just in a bowl.

Wait a minute – an egg??

Get an effin’ grip on yourself, would ya catty. People gonna think you’re mad.

Ok, so I do a downward dog or two, bring my heart rate down and slowly crawl back into a bed that is warm and soft and welcomes me home. I try not to think at all, but you know that doesn’t ever really work, so instead of thinking about what I didn’t achieve in 2009, I thought about what I did.

My 2009…

… and I’m doing this in point form because lord knows nor you or I have all day to read this rubbish…

  • 2009 was my second year in London. I got used to the cold and cursed the lacklustre summers less. Only a little bit less. I got used to the crowds, or maybe I just pushed harder. I walked more, and saw more of the city.
  • I spent 5 weeks back home in March, I saw my friends and family and most specially, met the new little people in my life ~ Lachie, Alana, Linden and Keira. I also got sunburnt at Manly Beach, which I welcomed a little more than I should.
  • In 2009, I breathed the air of even more cities than 2008 ~ Rome, Barcelona, Tunis, Lille, Stockholm, Helsinki, Amsterdam, Alicante, San Francisco, Las Vegas and the City of Angels.
  • Work progressed in leaps and bounds in 2009. We’re finally making a dent. “We” being my boss and I, someone who I can honestly say I love working for, and that I realise is a true blessing.
  • Panu and I made three years. Three years. What a record.
  • I made some awesome new friends this year, some through this blog, some through twitter and others through my existing friends who I cherish more than anything in this world. Except for my family.
  • In 2009 I entered a whole new decade. I welcomed my thirties with open arms, a lunch at The Fat Duck, some Jimmy Choos and a new haircut.
  • I became even more tech-ni-fied with my netbook, camera and blackberry. Nerd.
  • I read some books that have made more than a dent in my life, including Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns, Jeannette Walls’ The Glass Castle and Half Broke Horses, and all the books borne of Neil Gaiman‘s fantastical imagination. I think I read about 30 books this year. Book worm and nerd.
  • I baked for the very first time in June this year. Completely insane. I even made red velvet cupcakes and holy crap, I also made ice cream.
  • And lastly but definitely not leastly, I started this blog in May 2009. I left my blogspot behind and ventured forth with WordPress. I have not looked back since.
  • Oh, and I ate a lot.

Wow, reflecting back on all that I really don’t know what I was hyperventilating about. No actually I do know. I’m a perfectionist and somehow nothing, not even the profoundly successful year I’ve had ever feels like I’ve done enough.

I joke that I don’t have any resolutions for 2010. I say that I’m aiming low, so that no matter what happens I will over achieve. But in reality I do have goals for 2010, but sharing them out loud would be hanging myself out to dry. They’re my secrets, and I’ll share them when the time is right.

For now, I hope you all ring in the new year in style, at home, mad drunk or in a stupefying drug f**ked state. What? I’m just calling it like it is.

I’ll be having some casual drinks at Bar Music Hall if anyone’s keen to drop by, followed by a cruisy few days to start the year.

And the egg? What’s a broken egg but the start of a nice hot breakfast?

scrambled eggs
4 eggs
60mL milk or cream
15 grams butter
  1. Beat 4 eggs with 60mL of milk or cream lightly with a whisk or fork.
  2. Melt 15 grams of butter in a heavy based pan over very low heat and pour in the egg mixture.
  3. Stir constantly with a wooden spoon, lifting the mixture from the bottom of the pan so that it cooks evenly.
  4. The eggs are ready when they are just set but are still creamy – remove from heat and serve immediately as they Β will continue to cook and harden.
  5. You may serve on toast and add salmon, bacon, cheese or chives. Or anything you like πŸ™‚
Serves 2.

13 Thoughts on “my 2009… in an egg shell **Happy New Year**

  1. A lovely year Catty! I have trouble with insomnia too, such a nightmare.

    All the best for a fantastic 2010.

  2. Glad you scrambled that egg, hon, cause your year sounds pretty darn good! But you didn’t mention going to Food Blogger Connect and all the great new friends you made there! We’re glad we met you! Keep it up, love, and Happy Happy 2010!

  3. I’m am trying my very best to not look back at 2009 – onwards and upwards, I say!

  4. Niamh: I don’t always have insomnia but when I get it, I get it bad because everything just seems so much worse in the dead of night, doesn’t it? Anyway, you have a good new years!

    Jamie: Of course! #FBC09, it was amazing and I’ve already diarised #FBC10 πŸ™‚ Happy 2010!

    Lizzie: very true ~ onwards and upwards to 2010 πŸ™‚

  5. bwahahaha love the egg pic! happy new year and all the best for 2010 dude!

  6. Cat – you’re a legend sunshine…love the blog, your frank, witty writing style makes me laugh out loud in between the odd cringe-worthy moment when it rings a little close to home for me too. Hope 2010 exceeds your wildest expectations – especially the secret ones!

  7. chocolatesuze: LOL aint he a gem? I couldn’t help myself πŸ™‚

    Janice: WOW. what an amazing message to get from you on NYE, especially since I didn’t know you read my blog! Thank you for the amazing feedback… and I also hope 2010 brings with it some fabulous surprises for you. Happy new year!

  8. Sounds like a fab year to me. No doubt 2010 will be full of fun frollics for you.

  9. Heya- what an awesome post! The decAde just gone has been pretty interesting huh? Well i’ve started my new decade with a bang at sensation totally straight up =)

    I’ve also made secret promises to myself. Here’s to the 2010s.

    Xx Leon

    Ps that is a really awesome list!

  10. Neil: I hope you’re right and that 2010 will bring lots more fun frollics πŸ™‚ if they don’t come by themselves I shall try make some of my own πŸ˜‰

    Leon: You went to Sensation totally straight up and I have started my new year awesomely proud of you! Miss you muchly xx

  11. Happy New Year ! I don’t do resolutions but for 2010, the blog will !

  12. I’m loving your writing Catty. Have been having those insomniac nights in the last few days too and this post just catches that feeling so well… Here’s to a great 2010

  13. Mr Noodles: Happy New Year to you too πŸ™‚ Looking forward to seeing your blog this year!

    foodrambler: Thank you *blush* and here’s wishing you a very happy 2010 also πŸ˜‰

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