motherhood | one month

My little peanut is one month old today. I can hardly believe it’s already been a month since life actually imitated art the movies and my waters broke while we were out at dinner. For all of you playing out there, basically, this is not the cool thing to do. It’s messy, it’s uncomfortable and it’s really really distracting when you’re still trying to make sure your toddler eats all his dinner before you go have a baby.

But yes, one month ago plus 13 hours or so in labour, my gorgeous baby girl, Sofia, joined us in this world.

And then there were two

It’s been an interesting experience having a second baby. Maybe I’ve forgotten what it was like with Sam that first month. They do say that you tend to forget the hard parts, hence why people go on to reproduce over and over again (and more importantly, probably why the human race still exists). My mum was around then to help cook and clean and all I did was look after Sam. But somehow I was so frickin’ stressed the entire time. Stressed, anxious, worried, jumpy when he cried. I was all of those things and now, even without any extra help, I can’t for the life of me see why I was all those things.

They say hindsight is 20/20. That you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone. Like the freedom (AH THE FREEDOM!) you have before you have a child. Then you have a kid and you’re like ‘damn, I really didn’t appreciate that freedom, it’s SO HARD having a child’. And then you have another one. And you’re like ‘wow geez, it was easy having ONE! Two is so damn hard!’

The days when Sam goes to daycare (three days a week) and I only have one baby to look after, life is sweet. It’s almost like I’m on holidays! I cook, I read, I go shopping, I watch Netflix all day long. Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten everything, I do realise that it’s only relatively easy now because Sofi’s still a newborn and aside from some feeds and the occasional grizzle, she’s still just a sleepy blob. I know this will change. And I know it’ll come very soon. So for now, let me lap up the luxury of having one sleeping child.

What about Sam?

Sam who? JUST KIDDING. Everyone asks me how Sam has adjusted with the new addition to the family. He loves her. LOVES her. Loves to pat her. Constantly. Which is really very sweet, and when we go get him from daycare he loves announcing to all his friends that the baby is here. Warms my heart, it really does. What he doesn’t love is when I have to feed her. Somehow it’s not ok for mummy to feed Sofi when she’s hungry, even when mummy explains that Sam is fed when he’s hungry. He screams and cries and climbs on me and tugs at me and tries to push Sofi off my lap. It’s been quite a stressful experience for me, but over the last week or so he’s started to improve and after the initial protest, he usually settles down to watch his iPad next to me. Yes digital. Don’t judge me until you have a hysterical toddler trying to kill his little sister just for wanting to have a couple of drops of milk.

Times that I have them both on my own are tough – mornings, evenings and all of Friday. When Panu is around there’s no problem at all, but when it’s just the three of us, trying to make sure Sam gets what he needs while also watching Sofi, trying to juggle as best as I can and do things like bathe her while he’s napping… I’m still trying to work all that out. But you know what, we’ll get there. There are billions of older siblings in this world who all survived the rude intrusion of a younger brother or sister. So he will too. But possibly not before I’ve aged about 10 years and lost another 10 off my life.

But back to Sofi

My adorable peanut. At one month old she’s been a gem, even at night. She sleeps well, waking for only two feeds a night. I’ve thanked the universe countless times for this and asked for it not to change, because you know these creatures. You think you know them, you get comfortable and BAM! they go all up and change on you. So let’s hope my little Sofi stays a good sleeper. She’s just a beautiful little creature now who doesn’t cry too loudly (yet), who loves the bath (don’t they all) and just wants to be cuddled (all the time). And cuddles I can do.

But don’t get me wrong. 4am wake ups when it’s freeeeeezing still sucks balls.

Here’s hoping the next few weeks and months go smoothly.