There’s this two year old who lives in my house. I’m not going to name names but if you’re real sleuthy, you might figure out who I’m talking about. But anyway, this two year old is driving me absolutely insane.

For the past few weeks, he’s been waking up early. Insanely early, like before time even starts (because time only starts at 6am right?). He’s been waking up at 5-something. Sometimes the prettier side of 5, sometimes the uglier side. Either way, I’m not a morning person and anything before 6am is just too fucking early.

And to add to the fun, he’s also started waking up at night. Mind you, I know people whose kids wake up as a norm but mine don’t! Mine just don’t! Except now this one does. And he’s out of his big boy bed and out of his room and in the hallway and all “mummy mummy mummy” and I’m out of bed in a flash before he wakes the baby. And so before you know it, it’s the middle of the night and I’m lying in his bed trying to negotiate with a mini sleep terrorist.

For a while I just told him to go back to sleep and I’d go back to bed and he’d come out again and I’d bring him back in and go back to bed and he’d come out… and so the story goes. So against all of my better judgement (you know, never stay with him until he’s asleep blah blah), I lie down with him just so he’ll stay put. And then I fall asleep.

I wake up and he’s asleep! Yay! Now I’m afraid to move, to breathe, to wake the pint sized terrorist. I lie there and imagine all the ways I can get the fuck out. I imagine a silent bulldozer slash forklifty thing gently lifting me off his bed and delivering me back to my own cosy bed. I imagine that a very very quiet giant will come and with his huge but obviously delicate fingers, he’ll pluck me up and place me back in bed. But in lieu of the fact that bulldozers are never quiet and giants aren’t known to be delicate, I just lie there and will myself to teleport back to my own room.

In the end I don’t teleport. I move with the silence and precision of a ninja (or any parent trying to do the same thing) and stealthily creep out of his room. I’m back in my room for an hour (or a few if I’m really lucky) before he’s up again.

So that’s my night! And then we’re up again at 5! “I love it!”, said no one ever.

And the days… oh the days.

Terrible-twos meets pre-threenager on steroids. The tantrums, the screaming, the demanding, the absolute irrationality that would boggle even the most brilliant minds. I’ve resorted to meditation to try and maintain some semblance of zen in my head (seriously) because this shit will drive a person crazy, I’m not kidding. Mark my words: it will break you. The test of your patience, your will, your strength, your self belief, your self worth, your everything. They’ll test you and just when you think you’ve got this, they’ll up the ante. That’s the game.

So we get through the day and I put him to bed, and I unravel from the tension wound so tight around my whole being… and guess what, he’s up again.

It’s a phase, they say. A fucking phase.

(Having said that, the 18 month sleep regression damn near killed me too and that was a phase)

11 Thoughts on “is this a two year sleep regression?

  1. I thought we’d had the 2-year sleep regression but now I’m not so sure…Mini-human has woken almost every night for…weeks? Last night was a couple of hours. I migated to sleep on his floor instead. He woke at 6:30 despite the massive sleep deficiency and I have sore hips as well as a fuzzy head today.

    He’s been in a big bed for almost a week, is suspected to be teething, and surely has settled into daycare now?? WHO THE HELLS KNOWS?! We have doir handles and not knobs, so he wakes, lets himself out of his room, pads towards our room and stands at the baby gate saying, “Mummy…mummy…mummy! Come, come!” Because for some reason they almot never ask for daddy 😐

    But yes, this too shall pass. And we will hang onto our sanity by the threads of our fast-developing wrinkles and greying hair! *HUGE HUGS*

    • Remember the answer to anything kid related: who knows?! Hope Evan goes back to normal soon even if it just means sleeping in to make up for night waking.

  2. Love your posts Cat! Maybe not a fucking phase so invest in a really good mattess & a full size bed for for your gorgeous boy & at least you can be somewhat comfy…well as comfy as possible with a foot in your ear and fuzzball hair up your nose anyway xx

  3. You’ve got me worried Cat, Alexandra (2 too) is in a good place with sleep and I’m really not looking forward to that changing! Fingers crossed it’s just a phase for you, though I totally agree with Mel’s bed recommendation… Just in case it goes on a little while longer ;).

    • Good luck Mark!! The good thing, apparently, is if you have a good sleeper, once they get thru the glitch they go right back to normal. Plus not all kids go thru sleep regressions so you might be in luck ☺️

  4. Maylin Lee on February 25, 2016 at 6:37 pm said:

    For three yrs #2 son slept with me and poor hubby had to sleep with #1 son. Not ideal but was the only way we managed to get a full night sleep. Had to bribe #2 with an IKEA bunk bed before he would move in to sleep with his brother, by then they were 8 & 5 yrs old….. And ironically now I miss having the rascal in bed with me.
    Hang in there cousin, it is a phase but could be a bit of a marathon.

    • Ah how nice they share a room now! Well I’m sure this is just a phase. His last sleep regression went for 6 weeks then he was back to normal. I miss you by the way!!

  5. Amanda Kanofski on February 25, 2016 at 7:09 pm said:

    At least you’re not getting kicked in the Head or Face this time or is it still happening?? Lol

  6. Shit!
    Hugs and kisses! And yes, IT’S A PHASE (a short one, please).

  7. Miles will be Three in two months and for now he is mostly out of this phase. Totally feel for you, I just remember dreading every single day, waiting to see if we were gonna have a good day or bad day, good night or bad night. Now we have Miles mostly under control, queue Isaac’s sleep regression…. Never ending…

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