I had a really random thought about my mum the other night. Literally, late at night before I fell asleep, a memory that had never been more than a passing thought popped into my head. I recalled my first day of kindergarten. My mum had taken me to school on the back of her push bike and introduced me to my new friends and teachers. I wasn’t too phased initially and wandered into the room, curious about everything around me. I looked back and my mum was there by the window, with all the other mums, waving – probably holding back tears – but putting on a brave face for their little people, starting school for the first time. I waved at my mum, and wandered further into the room. A few minutes later, I turned to look again and my mum had gone. Panic swelled from my heart to my throat. I cried and cried.

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Happy Valentine’s Day! It was only a matter of time before I fell down the Yumbox bento rabbit hole. The cuteness level of some of these bentos? Honestly, I’m surprised I didn’t get sucked in sooner (but obviously I have now). Most mums get bentos for their kids to encourage them to eat a wider variety of food. You can serve smaller portions in more interesting ways and we all know that interesting looking food tastes better right?

But my kids are good eaters (wonder where they get that from?) so I didn’t need a bento to encourage them to eat. For me, it was for a completely different reason: WORLD PEACE.

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My peanut turned 18 months last week. And this one, this special brand of tough nut, took two needles for her immunisation and didn’t even flinch. It was literally like nothing happened at all. She was sitting on my lap facing away from me when she was injected, and there was silence. I thought it was one of those silent cries – you know the ones, where there’s a pained face but no sound but you know the longer the silence the louder the scream will be when it finally makes its way out of their voice box. After a few seconds, I looked at her and she was just sitting there like, what? Then we waved goodbye to the nurses and went about our day.

Fricking hardcore, this girl.

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Considering we live in Sydney, with some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, we hit the beach waaaaaay less often than I’d like. Well. To be clear, before kids I used to get to the beach at least once every weekend throughout summer. Because back then what did I need? A towel? And these days we need: swim wear, swim nappies, hats, sunscreen, snacks, beach tent – and this is all before we get into the real necessities of a beach day – the scooper, the shovel, the rake, the smaller scooper too, the dump truck, the excavator, the bucket, the other bucket. And God forbid I should forget the watering can.

Going to the beach is now kind of a big production and doesn’t happen nearly as often as I’d like. So if we only get to the beach once this summer, it was the least Sofi and I could do to look ridiculously cute in our matching swimwear.

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I don’t know if it’s just me, but as a mum, I feel like I’m always waiting for things to get ‘easy’. I tell myself “it’ll be easier once he starts crawling”, “it’ll be easier once he turns one”, “it’ll be easier once she’s down to one nap”, “it’ll be easier when she’s on solids”… the list goes on. But here’s the catch: it doesn’t ever get easier. ‘Easy’ is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You think you’re getting there and it’s just fucking. out. of. reach. Gaaaaahhhhhh.

So it’s one of my new year’s resolutions to enjoy the ‘easy’ now.

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relaxed me

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in saying that my life as a mother to young creatures feels like a never ending cycle of packing snacks, making lunches, cooking, cooking again, washing clothes, washing sheets, washing toys, washing butts, feeding, more feeding, cleaning hands, cleaning mouths, cleaning faces, cleaning entire bodies, playing, chasing, walking outside, walking in the house, walking to go get something for the millionth time today, building lego, destroying lego, building lego, bathing, scrubbing, drying them, drying myself, drying the entire bathroom. I crash at night realising I haven’t had a moment to even breathe and then I take half a breath before passing out, ready to do it all again tomorrow.

Not that I’m complaining. I love being a mum. Every once in a while though, I just need to get away from it all. I think we all do.

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