I’ve really been getting into baked beans lately. Yeah, yeah I know, the magical beans that make you toot *wah ha ha ha* but guys, they taste good! When we were little, my mum made us baked beans and scrambled eggs on toast pretty regularly. When I say “made” I mean “opened a can of Heinz baked beans” but that’s not really a problem because I am the fan club president of Heinz Ketchup and Big Red Tomato Soup omgyum.

[you see? I’m really not a food snob. not one bit]

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Do you remember when I first had baked eggs? I definitely do. Moments like these… you don’t forget. Like the first time you meet that person, your eyes connect across the room and in that split second, a micro-cosmic explosion ignites fireworks that splay from one point of contact and diffuses into a million stars and sparkles that blinds out everything around you – the chatter, the noise, the smells – until it’s just you. You and that person. And you know, you just know, that from that moment onwards, it’s just meant to be.

Yeah. So for me, it was me and baked eggs. Sorry, Panu.

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When I was back in Sydney working in 2009, my friend Ivan wanted to catch up so he could show off his new bundle of joy. He suggested Deus Ex Machina in Camperdown. If you didn’t know, Deus Ex Machina is not a restaurant. It’s a motorbike shop; albeit a hugely trendy one, creating customs bikes oozing with don’t-fuck-with-me style.

So when I arrived at a bike shop, I was all waaaaait a minute. I’m pretty sure that Ivan meant I’d get to meet his new human baby, not his new wheels. Don’t be tricking me out of a breakfast, now.

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